Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
