i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
