wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
