I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize