Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's always time for handjobs
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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