How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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