I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
