nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
