She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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