I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
