cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
