Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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