So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
