i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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