I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
