I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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