He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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