My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
