just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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