don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
