it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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