I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream