They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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