so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
