I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
