My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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