they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
