Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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