I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
