WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize