I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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