I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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