if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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