My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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