Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
