well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
