Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Even my vagina gasped.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
