glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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