I am midnight drunk by noon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
