Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
