In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
