i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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