she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's always time for handjobs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
