I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
