ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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