Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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