Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
