dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize