why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize