it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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