i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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