He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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