new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't put those talents on a resume
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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