Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
