Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
