you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
