I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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