Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
