My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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