I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
