walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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