is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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